It’s never easy caring for a loved one who has cancer, whether it’s a spouse, child or parent. In addition to managing medications, appointments, treatments and treatment side effects, you may also have new household management duties, from daily chores to dealing with health insurance claims. The stress and exhaustion on top of worry and sorrow over your loved one’s condition are a lot for one person to handle, but self-care for caregivers is essential.
“Providing support to someone with cancer can negatively affect a caregiver’s physical, emotional and mental well-being,” said Patty Smith, LCSW-C, OSW-C, ACHP-SW, an oncology social worker at UM Upper Chesapeake Medical Center’s Kaufman Cancer Center, part of the University of Maryland Cancer Network. “But caregivers are an essential component of the patient’s recovery, so it’s important for caregivers to take care of themselves, too.”
Signs of Caregiver Stress or Burnout
There’s no way to eliminate all stress from the caretaking process, but you should avoid the kind of stress that leads to burnout and makes a challenging situation worse.
Some signs to watch for in a caregiver include:
- Changes in eating habits or sleeping patterns
- Depression
- Exhaustion
- Resentment
- Headaches
- Irritability
- Neglect of duties like paying bills or working
- Physical aches or pains
- Strong emotions like anger and sadness
- Substance abuse
“If you’re a caregiver who is neglecting your own health, you may be making any health conditions you have worse or contributing to a new one,” Smith said. “It’s important that you make and keep your own medical appointments and realize that your health matters.”
Take Care of Yourself
There are several simple things you can—and should—do to boost your own mental and physical health while caretaking. The most important one is to get enough sleep, even if that means taking short naps throughout the day.
Other things that can help include:
- Eat regular healthy meals
- Call or video chat with a friend
- Get a massage
- Go to lunch with friends
- Exercise
- Meditate
- Read a book
- Soak in a long bath
- Take a walk
- Try yoga classes
- Watch a favorite TV show or movie
“Give yourself permission to take a break and experience positive emotions,” Smith said. “Do just one thing for yourself each day, no matter how small. Those little things can bring you joy during that time and boost your energy to continue caretaking.”
Know When to Ask For Help
If you’ve been public about your loved one’s cancer diagnosis, chances are that you’ve had dozens of people say, “Let me know if I can help.”
“It’s really important to take them up on it,” Smith said.
It may feel awkward at first to ask for support, but it’s essential when thinking about self-care for caregivers. Start by making a list of things that need to be done. Then delegate those activities to friends, neighbors and family members who offer to pitch in. Maybe one person can make a bi-weekly grocery run, another person can assist with transportation to appointments, someone else can coordinate a meal train, and a few others can help with childcare after school or on weekends.
“It’s important to identify who wants to pitch in with these tasks,” Smith said. “It’s also important to communicate and discuss openly with the person that you’re caring for what you can realistically do.”
Your cancer treatment center team may also be able to point you to helpful resources so that you’re able to care for yourself.
It’s OK to Call in the Professionals
You are not failing at caretaking if you need professional help. Home health aides can give you a break and may also have an easier time doing certain care procedures, such as helping with bathing or walking. If you can’t keep the house clean enough to your liking, hire a cleaning service. If you can’t care for your pets, try a dog walker or doggie daycare to attend to their activity needs. Hire someone to mow the lawn or rake the leaves. If financial stresses make paying for these services a challenge, do some research to find out if community resources are available or consider those who have offered to help assist with these things.
“It’s important to realize that feelings of guilt are normal, which can be difficult because you want to do everything as a caregiver that you possibly can,” Smith said. “But you cannot do everything. You may want to, but it’s important to realize your limitations and get help for your sake and the sake of your loved one undergoing treatment.”
That self-care may also include talk therapy sessions for the caregiver or joining a caregiving support group.
“Talking with people who have faced similar issues can be helpful because they may have suggestions on how to handle certain things,” Smith said.
The UM Cancer Network Can Help
Led by the University of Maryland Marlene and Stewart Greenebaum Comprehensive Cancer Center (UMGCCC), one of the nation’s NCI-designated Comprehensive Cancer Centers, the UM Cancer Network offers patients across Maryland access to the wide array of resources that an academic medical center has to offer—all close to home. This includes UMGCCC’s nationally renowned experts, technologies and other forms of support like caregiving resources.
